


there's a light coming through the window

by LeanMeanSaltineMachine



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Nott | Veth Brenatto (mentioned) - Freeform, Other, Polyamory Negotiations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:55:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23315767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeanMeanSaltineMachine/pseuds/LeanMeanSaltineMachine
Summary: Rather than directly confront the hag, the Mighty Nein makes a quick stop at Nicodranis.--Yeza watches Caleb’s hands and shoulders, the tapping of the man’s boots, the flicker of his eyes. He keeps his voice soft so as not to startle the man in front of him, wary and scarred and scared as he is. “Why are you so afraid?”
Relationships: Nott/Caleb Widogast, Veth Brenatto/Yeza Brenatto, Veth Brenatto/Yeza Brenatto/Caleb Widogast, Yeza Brenatto/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 69
Kudos: 152





	there's a light coming through the window

It is possible to have multiple homes. One is a home that has burned and will always smolder away in your heart and leave a wound there. Another resides in seven beating hearts and the knowledge that a friend and chosen sibling has your back. Your third is a home that is spied on and sparse in furniture - but it’s yours, and it has a hot tub, flowers on the wall, and a tree that glows so warmly in the darkness it seems to laugh. Now is the time for a home on the coast, where some restless souls managed to find peace and could possibly find it again, maybe.

Yeza beams a ‘welcome home’ while Veth and Caleb hide their guilt and relief in pleased smiles with varying degrees of success. Peace - Yeza splits off Veth for a conversation. Caleb hides.

It’s not that anything  _ happened _ , you see. A kiss between friends, heat of the moment - perfectly understandable. And haven’t they said it before, that they would never leave each other? That they love each other? Caleb stares at the book in his lap and feels the stone in his gut. Yeza - well, there’s no room for a third man in this, Caleb knows, and it’s time for him to leave, it’s time for Nott - for  _ Veth _ to stay and that’s that.

Caleb shuts his mind off and reads in earnest.

\--

Yeza knows Caleb is hiding. The thought amuses him. It warms his belly in a laugh that Veth would scold him for.  _ ‘It’s not nice to tease,’  _ she’d say, and she would be right, but - it’s still funny, somewhat. It’s just a  _ tad bit easier _ to find a wizard, you see, than a Veth.

Find Caleb he does, reading in Marion’s room, and Yeza peeks a head in. “Uh, hey, could I borrow you for a minute, Caleb?” he asks, feeling slightly embarrassed for having interrupted. He shoves it aside. He has a goal.

Marion smiles warmly at him. “Ah, hello Yeza. How has reuniting with your family been?”

“It’s been great, wonderful, ah - that’s what I wanted to talk to Caleb about, actually. Caleb, could we - ?” He motions out to the hallway. Caleb gets to his feet, wary and unsure but being polite about it for his friend’s husband. Again, Yeza stifles a laugh, this one exasperated and impatient.

“ _ Ja, _ of course,” Caleb agrees with his typical urgency, already moving out into the hall. Yeza leads them to his makeshift laboratory, sits on his stool, looks at Caleb expectantly. Caleb looks back, equally expectantly, then goes  _ ah _ and sits on the other stool. He’s too tall - it’s made for Veth, when she visits - but Yeza only smiles warmly at the sight. He’ll have to get a taller chair.

“What do we need to speak about?” Caleb asks worriedly. “Did something happen with Nott - with Veth?”

Yeza’s eyebrows shoot up and then he hurries to shake his head no. “Oh no, nothing like that!” he assures Caleb. “Not to worry, not to worry! Just wanted to talk about our relationship, that’s all.” And he winces. Way to go, Yeza. Way to be subtle and startle the half-feral guy.

Sure enough, Caleb leans back and curls away, his head tilting to the side. Yeza is grateful that Caleb doesn’t entirely shut down, only asks, “Your relationship?”

Yeza breathes out and nods. “Veth thinks she has to choose. Between you, the group and traveling, and me and her family. She doesn’t.”

“Doesn’t she?” Caleb asks calmly. Like he has come to terms with it. Like he knows the answer that Yeza will give, that Veth has already given, that Caleb will now receive. Caleb’s eyes pin Yeza down gently, pity him, try to tell him that it’s okay. Again, exasperation.  _ Condescending prick. _ Yeza wonders what it would take to wipe the expression off Caleb’s face - he has a few ideas.

“No,” Yeza replies matter-of-factly.

“I don’t,” Caleb begins, then stops. Rubs at his mouth. Begins again. “I don’t think that’s how this works.” His stare has shifted now. They reflect some brutal truth at himself and it makes Yeza want to hold him. He doesn’t. (Not yet.) Caleb’s laugh is harsh, despairing, disbelieving - how cruel is Yeza that he would drag this out, make this a  _ thing,  _ pull out this kind of  _ hope? _ But Yeza is tired of heartbreak.

“Well, you see, Mr. Caleb,” says Yeza, leaning in closer as if to divulge a great secret, “You would be the one staying.”

Caleb’s breathing stops. Starts again. Caleb, the feeler, the adventurer, takes a step back so Caleb, the negotiator, the diplomat, may enter. Yeza is bemused. He should have expected this.

“I do not believe that’s wise,” says Caleb. This Caleb takes a deep breath, rubs at his mouth, and leans his elbow on his knee. Yeza watches.

“No?” Yeza says mildly. He does not move from where he has leaned in, staying comfortably inside this new, closer space. “And why’s that?”

Caleb huffs a dry laugh and straightens so he can spread his arms in front of him. “Many reasons,” he says. “I have a past that does not lend myself to being a family man, for one. I have blood on my hands. I am not - I cannot settle down, not for a while, I think. There are things I need to do yet. And once those things are done I… I don’t know. I - there are other goals. Goals that are not conducive to a family.”

Yeza watches Caleb’s hands and shoulders, the tapping of the man’s boots, the flicker of his eyes. “Why are you so afraid?” Yeza asks softly, then kicks himself.  _ That was a stupid question, Yeza. _

Caleb doesn’t roll his eyes though. His tone is thoughtful, his body still again. “There are many things to be afraid of in this world,” he says, and just the sound of his voice is heavy enough to weigh Yeza down to his chair. His heart aches.  _ Let me help you, _ he wants to say, _ let us help you. _ Because he  _ knows  _ his Veth has offered. “I have. Been some of those things.”

Yeza looks at Caleb. It’s another long moment before Yeza thinks with some relief,  _ now _ , and takes one of Caleb’s hands in both of his. “Me too.”

Caleb’s eyes lift from their hands to meet his. He doesn’t outright believe him, but he’s listening. It’s enough.

“I worked on that dodecahedron,” Yeza reminds him gently. “I put that out there into the world, didn’t I? I could have refused. Stood fast. Been morally pure, no matter the cost. I knew that Luc was in good hands with Edith. But I didn’t - I was selfish. I wanted to live, to care for my son, and Caleb?” He leans in closer. “ _ I wanted to know.” _

He takes a deep breath. “I don’t have the same thirst for knowledge that you and Veth do. I want to learn and search and, and  _ look - _ but you two  **soar** together and - it’s incredible. Beautiful! Something truly outstanding.” His smile is wide, he can feel it, can’t bring himself to stop it, even as Caleb looks wistful and tries to pull away. Yeza clings tighter. “I could leave you two together,” he says fiercely, even as Caleb blinks at him. “I could leave, because I get in the way of that discovery. But I won’t. You know why?”

“Because you steady her,” Caleb replies quietly, shocking the answer right out of him.

“Because I - what?”

“Because. You steady her,” Caleb repeats, buckling down on what he said, leaning back out of the space they’d created between them. It had gotten very close indeed. Yeza misses it, and he stays there, leaning forward to keep ahold of Caleb’s hand.

“I could steady you too,” Yeza says.

It hangs there like a promise.

Here’s the thing about Caleb: there’s a hunger in his eyes. A glint. There are edges that catch, rip, edges from something else, and Yeza thinks they left those scars on his arms. Caleb is an open, stammering, gesturing book in a language Yeza has not yet learned to read, a book with essential pages torn out, with half of those missing pages taped back in by loving, gentle hands. Yeza wonders how long Caleb has allowed himself to be found, how long he has allowed himself to be read. He wonders if he’s had a choice before. 

“I, um, and Nott? Veth?” Caleb asks. His hand grasps Yeza’s two in a steady, warm hold that speaks more of needing a lifeline than of wanting a companion.

“She knows about this,” Yeza replies with a soft smile. “I  _ did _ go talk to her first.” He gives Caleb’s hand a squeeze and lets it drop. “You’re welcome here, Caleb.”

Caleb just looks at him. Again, Yeza is pinned by those eyes, but rather than telling Yeza his next steps, Caleb just… searches. What Caleb’s looking for, Yeza isn’t sure, but his smile only gets fonder as Caleb stares.

“I - I am going to talk to Veth, myself, I think,” Caleb stammers finally.

Yeza nods and grins. “She’ll be expecting you!” he teases, and at Caleb’s wide-eyed look waves him off. “Only because now you’ve talked to me, that’s all.”

“Right,” Caleb says. His eyes tell Yeza that he is unconvinced, but the awkward goodbye between them is sincere.

Finally,  _ finally, _ third time’s the charm, Yeza lets himself laugh. They’re all here safe. They’re all  _ here, talking. _

He hopes this is the beginning of something great. Already, his heart pulses with golden, amber warmth.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
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